Not Sober Anymore
by Ree93
Summary: Audrey Teller had battled with addiction for years. Her loved ones had done all that they could to help her over the years. When she relapses again it's the last straw. One-Shot. Trigger Warnings: Drug use, abuse, and suicide are mentioned.


**Author's Note: There are themes in this that might be triggering. Trigger Warnings: Drug Use, Abuse, and Suicide will be used in this. Constructive criticism is welcome.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Sons of Anarchy. I only own my characters Audrey and Aaron. This story was inspired by the song 'Sober' by Demi Lovato.**

 _Not Sober Anymore_

The small town of Charming was mostly quiet as the stars littered the night sky. The moon was full and shining bright as a young woman stumbled her way down the sidewalks of Main Street. She passed by various stores, all closed for the night, using the street lights to guide her way around the town. She wasn't sure where she was going — not that she cared — her head was clouded by her recent high. She was angry at herself. How could she do this again? All of her loved ones would be so disappointed in her. She kept replaying in her head over and over just how she had ended up on this street alone.

Her boyfriend had kicked her out of his car an hour before. He told her that this was it, he couldn't handle her recent relapse. Too many lies has been told, too much betrayal. The relapse was the final straw.

Aaron Jenkins hadn't expected her to be high when he had picked her up from her friend Tiffany's house. She had denied using but all of the signs were there — dilated pupils, constantly wiping her runny nose on the back of her hands, talking a mile a minute, and the biggest sign of all was the white powder residue that could be seen around her nose.

"I can't believe you would do this again." He had stated cutting off her excited rambling. No emotion could be heard in his voice as his hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Oh how disappointed he was in her. He was also pissed at her. How many times were they going to go through this?

"Do what?" She had asked taken aback. Her eyes widened as she silently prayed that he didn't know. She had just needed it this once. She swore to herself that this was the last time all the while ignoring the little voice in her head that told her that that's what she had said every other time.

"Damn it, Audrey!" He banged his fist against the steering wheel before turning his seething gaze her way. "Don't treat me like I'm fucking stupid. You're higher than a god damned kite and we both know it."

"No baby, I'm not." She shook her head viciously, her long blonde hair stung her cheeks from where it hit her, "I swear I'm not."

He ran his hand agitatedly through his short black hair as he let a humorless laugh, "I guess I am fucking stupid. I actually believed you when you promised to stay sober this time. What the hell was I thinking? My mama told me that you were no good. 'You can't trust a coke whore, Aaron. Especially not that Teller trash.' That's what she said. I guess mothers do always know best. "

She flinched away from the disgusted look that he had tossed her way. He knew calling her Teller trash would hurt her. It's what all of the people in town who weren't a part of SAMCRO would whisper about her behind her back. She was a part of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club's family. Her late father, JT Teller, had been the founder of the club. The stigma surrounding the club had followed her since her birth 22 years before.

"Just wait until your mom and Jax find out about this." He sneered viciously, "They've already wasted so much money to get you cleaned up the last time. Thank God that Thomas isn't alive to see this."

Her head snapped in his direction as she settled her eyes on his face with a hate filled glare. All the hurt that she had felt vanished and in its place red hot fury had taken over. Her left arm shot out as she used all of the force she had to backhand him in the mouth.

"Don't you ever talk about Thomas again." Her tone had been sharper than the edge of a blade. Her cold blue eyes held promise that nothing good would come if he ever did.

The Audrey Teller that he had loved for three years was gone and in her place was someone he didn't recognize. Aaron wiped the blood from his lower lip as he made a decision that would change his life — probably for the better.

Aaron stopped his old, silver Chevrolet truck at the stop sign. There were only two ways to go — left or right. If he went left, he would be heading out of town. If he went right, he would be making his way into the center of Charming.

He turned to look at the blonde that he had given his heart to all those years ago. The woman that he did his best to love despite all of her faults. He had shown her forgiveness and unconditional support more times than he could count, and yet it was never enough.

Audrey was not the kind of woman a man should give his heart to without the expectation of it being broken over and over again. No one could love her enough to break down her own self-hatred. It's simply impossible to help someone when they won't help themselves.

Audrey eyed him suspiciously as he ran a hand down his strained face. She had been expecting him to put up more of a fight. Hell, she would have if the situation were reversed.

"Audrey, you know that I love you," He said sincerely, all of the fight had left his body and all that was left was defeat, "But I can't keep doing this with you."

Audrey's eyes widened in shock, "Are you dumping me?"

"I've been trying to make this work for two years now." He stared straight ahead, his headlights shining on the yellow sign that showed him his options. His tone let her know that he was done, "I thought that if I loved you enough, you would go back the woman I fell in love with. I've put so much of myself into helping you that I've neglected myself for too long."

"Please don't leave me," She begged as her eyes filled with unshed tears, "I can be her again. I swear. Just please don't give up on me."

His heart clenched as his own eyes started to water, "I'm sorry, it's too late. I've heard this so many times before and nothing ever changes."

"Aaron, please. I love you." She had reached her hand out to caress his face when he instantly flinched away.

"Just go, Audrey." His tone was final. He stared out of his driver side window, knowing that if he looked at her heartbroken face that his resolve might crumble. It's what had kept him there for so many years — he couldn't handle to see her hurt. It always looked so out of place on her beautiful face that he had always taken it upon himself to make her happy. He just learned too late that it wasn't enough.

Audrey knew that she had pushed him too far this time. She had taken his love and devotion for granted for so long. In the last two years, she had lied and cheated, done whatever it took to get the high that she craved. She had betrayed the man she loved and let her family down just so she could have a fleeting moment when she no longer felt like she was drowning. All she ever wanted to do was escape the demons in her mind. And now she would have to understand that Aaron needed to escape her — his own personal demon.

With that in mind, she did the first selfless thing that she had done in years. She climbed out of his car and before she closed the door she said "I really am sorry. You deserve so much better than me."

Aaron went left and she went right. She would never know the pain he felt as he watched her figure get smaller and smaller in his rear view mirror. Everyone had warned him that Audrey Teller would break his heart. They were right — but they also didn't know her like he did.

She wasn't the heartless bitch that everyone made her out to be. When she loved, she loved fiercely. The problem was that she held no love for herself. She only held hatred for herself. And when Audrey hated someone, she hated them with a vengeance. Which is why she completely destroys herself — she's her own worst enemy.

Audrey had stumbled around Main Street for a awhile, by midnight she found herself seated on the wet ground in front of a cold, gray headstone. Underneath an engraved tricycle, it read:

IN LOVING MEMORY OF OUR LITTLE BOY  
THOMAS WAYNE TELLER  
BORN JANUARY 8TH, 1984  
DIED APRIL 4TH, 1990

She reached her fingers out to trace the letters. Her heart aching as she wished that he was here with her.

It was officially January 8th, 2006.

They were both supposed to be turning 23. And yet, there she was all alone. The person she had entered this world with had died when they were 6. She had never been able to cope with the loss of her brother — her other half. She had spent so many years trying to fill the void that his death left in her. How does one person live when they aren't even a whole person anymore?

Then her father died when she was 9. That ended up ripping yet another piece of her away. Their deaths left behind an empty shell of a person.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered as she continued to run her fingertips over the cold stone. Tears clouded her eyes and eventually poured down her face as sobs wracked through her slender frame.

Thomas had always been a sickly child due to the congenital heart defect that he suffered from. Young Audrey just didn't understand at the time. All she had known was that she had wanted her brother to play with her. It had made her angry when he couldn't do the things that she could — he had never seemed to be able to play correctly.

After his death, she had finally understood. Self-loathing had set in shortly thereafter, she hated herself for the times that she had lashed out at him. She hated that she hadn't spent more time telling him she loved him. After he died, it was simply too late. She had never been able to make amends.

She took her phone out of her little black leather purse. She sent out the same message to three different people. The three people who had meant the world to her, the ones that had refused to give up on her. The three people that she had let down more times than she could count. To her mother, Gemma; her older brother, Jax; and to the man she had loved, Aaron.

The message was short. A simple "I'm so sorry that I'm not sober anymore. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I love you. Please forgive me."

She then turned her phone off and grabbed the small black Beretta that she always carried around with her. The moonlight glinted off of the gun in her hand as she stared at it as she sat with her back propped against the tombstone. She had ran out of tears and instead a numbness had taken over her.

She knew what she had to do. She was so ashamed that she had relapsed again. She couldn't bare seeing how disappointed her mom and Jax would be when they found out. She was such a waste of space, a waste of a life. Thomas should have been the one who survived. He would have done some many wonderful things. He would have made the family proud where as all she had done was disappoint.

She placed the barrel to her temple and her final words before pulling the trigger were, "Happy Birthday, Tommy."

Unbeknownst to her, Jackson Teller had been making his way through the graveyard when the gunshot cracked through the air.

Aaron had phoned Jax and let him know that Audrey had relapsed. Jax had been disappointed but he would always be there for his little sister. He had been pissed when he found out that Aaron had kicked her out of the car, but on some level that he would never admit to he understood. It had been a long, hard road for everyone. Every time they had thought that Audrey was doing good, she'd turn around and relapse just as quickly.

Jax knew that he would find her in the graveyard. It was the one place that she always ran off to. He was stalking past headstones, already preparing to chew her out for doing this shit again when he heard the crack of a gunshot. His heart stopped and dread instantly filled him as he took off running towards his little brother's grave. He prayed with everything in him that it wouldn't be her.

As he rounded the row that Thomas' grave was on, his stomach dropped as he saw her familiar booted legs laid out. He slowed his pace as he tried to brace himself for what he was about to see, still hoping that she'd be fine — hoping that she had simply passed out from her recent high.

At first, he did believe that that was the case and he felt slightly relieved. She was sitting with her back against the tombstone, her arms at her sides, and her legs spread out in front of her.

His legs gave out as he noticed all of the blood matted in her hair and the fresh blood still running down her face and neck. Sobs wracked his body as he held her head to his chest knowing that he was too late to save his baby sister.

Audrey Teller would never know the devastation her death had caused her loved ones. She would never know the screams of anguish that Gemma made when she had learned that her baby girl was gone. She would never know that Jax blamed himself for being a few minutes too late. She would never know that Aaron blamed himself for leaving her. She would never know that they all felt blame for not doing more.

Audrey Teller would never know that suicide didn't take her pain away — it simply passed it onto others.


End file.
